Thursday, June 19, 2014, 10am to 11:30 in the Meeting Room (behind the fireplace)
In our last meeting, Tim said that the next generation may need our help in finding a direction. His statement seems to in agreement with this TED Talk by Colin Powell, Kids Need Structure. We will use this video as the starting point for the next meeting.
As you watch this video, think about the kinds of structures that kids have traditionally used to shape their lives. As a former general, Colin Powell uses the military as a metaphor for structure. Other traditional structures are education, religion and sports. When kids instead spend their time on video games and Facebook is it because they lack structure or are they involved in a new kind of structure that we do not understand?
In his talk, Powell says, "So, I tell young people everywhere, it ain't where you start in life, it's what you do with life that determines where you end up in life, and you are blessed to be living in a country that, no matter where you start, you have opportunities so long as you believe in yourself"
ReplyDeleteBut he also says, "But it begins with the gift of a good start. If we don't give that gift to each and every one of our kids, if we don't invest at the earliest age, we're going to be running into difficulties."
Is Powell contradicting himself?
Yes, he is -- contradicting himself. I just sent an email re "Do Fathers Matter? a book review in today's WashPost. I think that having a father in the picture certainly helps children get a good start in life.
ReplyDeleteIf it rains Thursday morning, I will be at the Zoom-in meeting. Dory
I'm not so sure he is contradicting himself. Powell makes it clear he is talking to young people who may not have that 'gift of a good start' and that there are still reasons to believe in themselves while they're teenagers and older and take advantage of any opportunities that may come their way. Later he seems to be saying to society in general that those who don't get the gift need an early intervention to avoid difficulties later on.
ReplyDeleteHere is an interesting excerpt from Powell's talk:
ReplyDelete.And they didn't care whether you became a doctor or a lawyer or a general, and they never expected any generals in the family, as long as you got an education and then you got a job.
"Don't give us any of that self-actualization stuff. You get a job and get out of the house. We don't have time to waste for that. And then you can support us. That's the role of you guys."
Do you agree that this is still the case? What about the "you guys" part. Is this expectation only for boys, or this also apply to girls? What if a child doesn't get a job but stays home, should you show tough love by forcing him (or her) out of the house?
I don't even agree it was the case even then. When I was getting the message to get started there was no caveat "And then you can support us". I don't remember anyone in my family retiring. You worked until you couldn't or turned 65 if you lived that long. Is this still the case? Hell no. Our session on the millennials had them staying at home, some with parental blessing until age 30. one case mentioned in the talk was a young woman who was actively searching for a job. For me the active search would be a condition for residence. Tough love can backfire if you force an unemployed son or daughter out of the house, they fall in with the wrong crowd, and you end up as a caregiver for the evictee. On the other hand tough love must have had some successes or we wouldn't still be talking about it.
ReplyDeleteIs there ever a time to force an adult child to leave the nest? Do you need this threat to have any leverage?
DeleteI think Powell is equating his idea of structure with a childhood where relationships are stable and relationships are mutually loving. There are all kinds of "structure." There's a reason that "military creativity" is an oxymoron! Kids used to have much more "free" time, and they learned how to make their own structures, follow their own ideas, and collaborate to have the most fun. They are doing this today as well. All of these are more important than the kind of military structure he believes in ("Mind you...."). While some kids undoubtedly need more structure than others, "minding your p's and q's" is not a substitute for the kind of supportive, loving, and stimulating environment that all kids need.
ReplyDeleteRe: I heard the author interviewed on NPR, and he didn't have anything to distinguish what kids get from fathers from the same things that they could get from their mothers (playing ball, etc). There are, I believe, some differences between the sexes that he didn't mention; however I think it's important for kids to feel comfortable and accepted by people of both genders, parents or not.
So do you think the Facebook and video games are structures that the kids have adapted for themselves?
DeletePotential Difficulties in Establishing Successful Communication
ReplyDelete1. Distances between parties status: (e.g., employer/employee), rich/poor, parent/child, male/female, catholic/protestant/jewish/muslim, etc.
2. Distances between already established positions on contentious subjects.
3. Distances between age of parties: parent/child, grandparent/grandchild.
4. Distances between cultural backgrounds from increasing mixed marriages (different races, different religions, different countries)
5. Establishing the best time and environment (avoid distractions) to begin discussion (assuming verbal).
6. Giving forethought to using the appropriate tone to remarks.
7. Giving forethought to using the appropriate choice of words.
8. Being aware of body language, especially facial expressions, of both parties, especially in response to statements.
9. Being aware of related maturity levels of parties to fully understand message.
10. The importance of actual listening vice preparing a rebuttal.
Zoom-iners:
ReplyDeleteGen. Powell’s talk was inspiring. He no longer is a commanding general, but communicates among the best public persons I have yet heard. He like many of our group, grew up in a different world, under different circumstances and maybe his speech hasn’t quite caught up in highlighting and understanding differences among the genders. He is right on target when he talks about structure. I didn’t read him to mean exclusively military structure. Structure can be created to give a youngster a sense of boundaries, rules and self-worth if used wisely. I know the structure mixed with purpose is quite critical. In my life, sports, especially swimming gave me structure and a sense of accomplishment that I did not receive at home. Educators, among whom I include sport coaches may have as much, in some cases more impact, than the family. I have found in my educational experience that coaches can tap motivation of working-class lower income individuals in a more profound way than do classroom teachers. It comes down to respect and trust among individuals of different generations as well as social class, race and ethnicity. Gen. Powell has reinforced in me once again that good communication skills never go out of fashion.
I’m certain that we all had different educational paths with different starting points for certain. So I take a note from Hank’s observations and ask that we need to know who were talking to and what their concerns and needs are. Once we know our youth audience we may have a better capacity to assist them. I know that my grandchildren view me as an authority figure which at times gets in the way of our communication concerning their wants and needs.
I suggest, along with structure, we might find it profitable to treat the next generation as partners in the learning process. We need them as much as they need us.
Give Hank’s list of issues some thought. I found them stimulating and on target and a great place to continue our discussion.
Vince
It appears to me that a critical aspect of communicating with the young is to admit
ReplyDeletethat we have made mistakes - mistakes for which they may pay. I am not sure that
many of our generation would even own up to mistakes like Vietnam - witness the knee-jerk
bloodlust directed at Sgt Berghdahl - without even waiting for any facts in the case. I think that the young are fully capable of recognizing hypocrisy when they see it. Perhaps "owning up" will assist in developing a constructive conversation. This of course depends on the age of the young person and the level of awareness of the older person.
The mistakes of Vietnam are well documented by historians and in the memoirs of decision makers like MacNamaral . Do we need to take personal responsibility for what the government does during our generation? Some well meaning actions may have unforeseen consequences years later. How long are we on the hook?
DeleteSome of Bergdahl's harshest critics are members of his own platoon and those who were searching for him. Does having an opinion before all the facts are in make someone a hypocrite? In some cases facts come to light many years later.
Along with my comment about stratification, especially in occupations (different levels of PT, nursing, medicine, even teaching - with aides and assistants) it occurred to me today that commerce is doing the same. If you order online (taxi service, books, food) you get a discount that does not apply to those who go in person - drats! And there are 'memberships' with logins and passwords and daily email advertisements. . . .
ReplyDelete